Για να είμαι ειλικρινής προτιμώ τη δική σου από του Ρώτα. Ωστόσο το πρόβλημα με τα σονέτα είναι η σχετικά αυστηρή δομή τους οπότε τηρώντας τη ρίμα προδίδεις το μέτρο, τηρώντας το μέτρο προδίδεις τη ρίμα.
Ρυθμικά το δικό σου έχει πολύ καλύτερη ροή και η γλώσσα είναι πιο άμεση, κατανοητή και εύηχη (αυτό το
καυκηθεί του Ρώτα έρχεται σε ηχηρή αντιδιαστολή με την αισθησιακή παρήχηση του sh στο πρωτότυπο, "Nor
shall death brag thou wander'st in his
shade").
Βέβαια, η ομοιοκαταληξία την πληρώνει... η πρόκληση θα ήταν να επιτύχεις το ίδιο ρυθμικό αποτέλεσμα με ομοιοκαταληξία. Αυτό θα ήταν το ύψιστο επίτευγμα. Ωστόσο, και χωρίς αυτήν, bravissimo!
Σχόλια για το συγκεκριμένο σονέτο:http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/4081/18c.htmlΔομή του σονέτου:The English Sonnet is a poem form consisting of 14 lines, each with ten stressed and unstressed syllables known as iambic pentameter, with a set rhyme scheme of: a b a b c d c d e f e f g g. The rhymes may be ear-rhymes or eye-rhymes: an ear-rhyme is one that rhymes in sound, e.g. “increase” and “decrease”; an eye-rhyme is one that rhymes by sight, e.g. “compare” and “are”. This rhyme sequence sets the usual structure of the sonnet as three quatrains (sets of four lines) concluding with 1 couplet (a pair of lines). It is usual for there to be a pause for thought in the sonnet’s message at the end of each quatrain, especially the 2nd., in order to add tension, with the sonnet resolving to its objective in the final couplet, just as a song normally resolves to its root chord at its close. To convey the sense of resolution and completeness at the end of the sonnet there are often key-words, or tie-words, present in the closing couplet that are also present in the earlier quatrains. This structuring provides a framework on which to build the words, phrases, themes, rhymes, syncopation, punctuation and rhythm of the sonnet making it, at its best, a self-contained work of art.
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/4081/Sonnets.html# Sonnet
First of all, a sonnet is a short poem; the word in fact comes from the Italian for "little song." A sonnet consists of fourteen lines of iambic pentameter, rhyming in different patterns (see Types of Sonnets below). The sonnet form was created by the Italian Giacomo da Lentino in the 1200's (thanks to Seth Jeppesen at BYU who kindly pointed this out to me). However, folks studying English poetry will probably never hear of Lentino, even though he invented a form that has been flourishing for over seven hundred years. Students of English poetry will, however, hear a lot about Petrarch, another Italian sonneteer, whose work was translated into English by the poets Sir Thomas Wyatt and Henry Howard, Earl of Surrey. Wyatt and Surrey not onlyl translated Petrarch's sonnets, but used the sonnet form to do so, and published them in in Tottel's Miscellany.
# Iambic Pentameter
Iambic pentameter is the elemental building block of a sonnet's poetic line, the template or pattern on which its structure is built. Iambic pentameter is a rhythmical pattern. The "iambic" part means that the rhythm goes from an unstressed syllable to a stressed one, as happens in words like divine, caress, bizarre, and delight. It sounds sort of like a heartbeat: daDUM, daDUM, daDUM. The "pentameter" part means that this iambic rhythm is repeated five times.
Here are a few examples of lines written in iambic pentameter:
* "Oh, gentle Faustus, leave this damnèd art," Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus, 5.1.37
* "I waked, she fled, and day brought back my night." John Milton, "Methought I Saw My Late Espousèd Saint"
* "But surely Adam cannot be excused," Aemilia Lanyer, Salve Deus Rex Judaeorum, line 777
* "We hold these truths to be self-evident," Thomas Jefferson, "The Declaration of Independence," line 1
Iambic pentameter is actually the building block of about two-thirds of medieval and Renaissance English poetic forms. Iambic pentameter is used in rime royal, Chaucerian couplets, blank verse (one of the play-writing media of Shakespeare and his contemporaries), ballades, sestinas, and Spenserian stanza. Neoclassical poets used iambic pentameter in heroic couplets, and later poets have added their sonnets and works in blank verse to English and American literature. The upshot: people master iambic pentameter and the ability to rhyme can write a good many medieval, Renaissance forms, eighteenth, and nineteenth century poetic forms.
# Rhyme
Words that rhyme have the same ending vowel and consonant sounds–might rhymes with flight and delight, and begin rhymes with within. There's also such a thing as half-rhyme, where words almost rhyme: heard and hoard are half-rhymes. Sonnets use end rhyme, which means, logically enough, that the rhymes come at the end of the line. The ending words can be masculine (ending in a stressed syllable: delight) or feminine (ending in an unstressed syllable: delighted)
http://www.sp.uconn.edu/~mwh95001/sonnets.html